Spam. Never heard of it? Allow me to educate you.
The word is pronounced, er, "spam."
As a noun, it supposedly means "a canned meat product made mainly from ham." Ha. Actually, I think that's how it got its name, which stands for "spurious ham," hence Spam.
As a verb, it means "to send the same message indiscriminately to great numbers of (suckers) recipients on the Internet." Invariably, spam messages will want you to click on a link that probably will ask you innocent questions such as, "Where have you hidden all your money?" or "Have you ever wondered what it would be like to spend a year in a foreign jail?"
And spam invariably makes promises. Let's see what's in my "spam folder," shall we?
?"View your arrest records here." Thanks, Mark, but I already know my arrest records.
?"Urgent ? Help me distribute my $12 million." This poor woman's husband died, and she has all this oil money that she wants to give away. Hey, I use oil! Maybe she'll give some to me!
?"Are these five foods polluting your brain?" This is my favorite. They wouldn't tell me the foods unless I clicked on a link, which I wouldn't do. But I'm guessing that I can name at least one of the deadly foods: Spam.
Fabulous Five Football Picks
Last week: Speaking of worthless spam, my picks went 7-9 straight up (27-21 for the season) and a mortgage-wrecking 5-11 against the spread (21-26-1). But at least I can try to avoid disaster this week, which is more than the replacement refs can say.
Miami (1-2) at Arizona (3-0) ? Cards favored by 6.5
If the Fish didn't have buzzards' luck, they wouldn't have any luck at all. Now they are truly Fish out of water in arid Arizona, facing a team that won by 4, then won by 12, then won by 21. There's some kind of mathematical formula for that, and the Fish won't like what comes next.
Jerry says: Cards by a progressive 31.
Cincinnati (2-1) at Jacksonville (1-2) ? Bengals favored by 2.5
Please note that after his preseason holdout, Gags RB Maurice Jones-Drew is off to his best start yet with 314 rushing yards in 3 games. So who wants to tell me again how much practice a good RB needs? Practice? We're talking about practice?! Now, the rest of the team, they need practice.
Jerry says: Bengals by 5.
Washington (1-2) at Tampa Bay (1-2) ? Yucs favored by 3
Yucs Interim Coach Greg Schiano said: "We've got to stop being known for the kneel-down play." How droll, Coach. The problem is that it is usually the other guy's kneel-down. Do you even practice it? But there could be a chance here because this looks like a truly awful game. Yucs can't score, but Native Americans can't stop anybody from scoring. Tough call.
Jerry says: Yucs but just by 1.
San Diego (2-1) at Kansas City (1-2) ? Chiefs favored by 1
London 2012 basketball London 2012 Slalom Canoe Alex Morgan Misty May Treanor Lolo Jones Aly Raisman Marvin Hamlisch
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