January 12th, 2013
I used to find it rather tacky when playwrights and screenwriters wrote themselves into their own scripts.? I used to roll my eyes at yet another protagonist who is an author or screenwriter suffering from writer?s block.? Even when I?d admit that some of my favorite films do just this, my ears still rang with Julian Hoxter, author of Write What You Don?t Know.? And even when I was, on the rare occasion, guilty of the same thing, I, like the struggling writer, craved for something outside of my own world.? However, I recently discovered that my ?comfort zone? isn?t the unknown, but quite the opposite?
So here comes the purpose of this article: One month into shooting my first feature film, The Long-Term Side Effect (LTSE), I realized?? I had unknowingly written myself into my own script.? And I couldn?t be sure whether the events in my life would turn out the way they do in the film?? In fact, I couldn?t be sure if I picked the right ending for the film?
When I was asked to write this post, I was very hesitant.? One, I don?t like to write about myself.? Two, this article was referred to as a ?human interest story,? and I wasn?t sure what human would be interested in my life.? However, as I began to scribble down my thoughts, I discovered there was a valuable lesson in all of this, one that I think anyone can connect with, writer or not.? (I?ll be curious to see the comments and posts.)
Kathleen Mason and I spent the months of January and February work-shopping the script for LTSE.? Kathleen is the lead actress of LTSE, playing Lei Kelly, a woman who, due to the strange side effects of an experimental cancer treatment, has mysteriously stopped aging.? After we cast the film, we spent the months of June and July rehearsing, often improvising around crude drafts that I brought in.? In fact, there were a few shoots where we were still testing out dialogue.? Normally, after I?ve written a screenplay, I let it hibernate for at least a year before I decide whether it?s any good or not, before I decide whether or not I should film it.? That didn?t happen with LTSE.? It was an organically explosive creative process.
From writing a story about a door-to-door salesman who believes God is speaking to him through his GPS? to writing a reverse Cinderella story about a woman who hides away in a motel for a month? to writing a story about a man journeying into the unconscious with each one of his personas, represented by puppets?? I don?t normally write very close to home.? My stories are normally dark comedies about seemingly ?normal? people, their secrets acting as the script?s unique fantasy element.
So, between a rushed creative process and, mainly, my fear of writing about myself, it came to me as quite a shock when I discovered that I had written myself into LTSE.
During principal photography, my marriage was failing.? As a result, I had drastically changed our shooting schedule to be at home by 5pm with dinner on the table before my husband returned from work.? I sacrificed a great deal of the film in order to be a better wife, from not working after dinner to trying to go to bed with him at the same time.
(In respect to my ex-husband, I?m going to refer to him in this article as Phil, purely because that was the name of our cat.? And in respect to myself, a workaholic and insecure artist, I will refrain from too many intimate details of our relationship, particularly why it was failing.)
Where my husband was #1 in life, my therapist became #2.? I canceled shoots to make sure I could dedicate time to therapy so I could successfully find the secret for saving our marriage.? In less than two months of therapy, of which during that time I could not inspire Phil to join me in counseling as insisted by my therapist, it occurred to me that no matter how much energy I put into saving our marriage? unless he did anything, it was determined to fail.? So, I finally packed my bags, walked out the front door and told Phil to call me when he was finally ready to talk.
During this entire process, Kathleen was the only person involved in the film who was fully aware of everything that was going on.? The only person who didn?t point out the bags under my eyes or even questioned as to why I stopped brushing my hair?? She was the one who enlightened me, ?Dannie?? You?re like Lei?s husband.?
At the beginning of the film, Lei will not talk to her husband, leading him to finally packing his bags and walking out the front door.? Throughout the film, their daughter is constantly harassing Lei about finally calling dad, about finally being able to communicate with him.
When Kathleen enlightened me, my thoughts went to the end of the film.? We had already written the ending, but we hadn?t shot it yet.? Would the events in my life lead to the same ending in the film?? Or should I wait and rewrite the ending based on how the events in my life unfold?? Because that would be the ?right? ending, right? ??Shit,? I thought?
When it comes to relationships, something I?ve always struggled with is the concept of falling in love with a person versus an idea of that person.? Essentially, am I falling in love with a human being or the potential of our relationship?? I feel like every time I know that a relationship is about to end, it?s because I?m working towards an idea that is no longer possible.
Part of the reason we write is to live out another fantasy or a fantastical version of our own lives.? Thus, there was the question of, in the ending, do I go with the fantasy, AKA my idea of my husband and our future, or do I wait and go with the dark reality that I foresaw. ?In other words, does Lei call her husband or not?
Whether or not I?m falling in love with a real person or a fantasy of that person, is it wrong to do the latter?? Whether or not I go with writing the reality or the fantasy, is it still wrong for me to imagine, rather cinematically, our love story with all its indie quirkiness and Hollywood endings?? It took me a while to come to this conclusion, but no?? I don?t think it?s unhealthy to fantasize.? I mean how can it be when writing feels so therapeutic?? Part of the reason we fantasize about our lives is to see our desires fulfilled and our goals accomplished.? Thus, fantasy for me is often the key to determination.? No matter how magical and unrealistic, I think it?s healthy for people to consider all of the things they want in life in the highest imagination and to the utmost extreme.? Knowing the pleasure in doing this is not as powerful as the ?real thing? just encourages me more to be an adventurous person, to kiss him first or to quit my job or to spontaneously buy a plane ticket.
As a result of this experience, I?ve been inspired to make my next film much more magical, a story that teeters on the fine line between reality and fantasy.? It will be visually stunning and musically enchanting, using both story methods and technical methods I have not seen in a film quite like this before?
And in regards to the story itself, I will write a little of myself into the script? I have learned to not feel guilty for wanting to write, ?what I know,? because what I know is what I am passionate about and stories need passion.? And whether or not you are a writer, I want to encourage you to embrace your true, deepest desires and goals and to fantasize the hell out of them.
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Source: http://danniesnyder.tonyeckersley.com/?p=556
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